One Month…But Whose Counting?!?!

Wowwwww!!! One month! It’s super duper crazy awesome, yet so…weird still in ways. Like weird in a good way. It all comes down to the fact that Devin and I have never, in the two years we’ve known each other, spent such a extended time together in person. The longest we’ve ever spent was nearly two and a half weeks when we first started dating.
Living in Florida is so different from anywhere else. It is near impossible for me to try and compare it to living in New York (for obvious, snow white reasons) but not only that, it’s just very different. I can’t try and compare this transition to the time I went to Belize because they are so different. I’ve never been in this new situation before and trying to express how it effects me is hard.
But one thing that has not changed (much) is Devin! Through this past month, I found that it’s a whole lot easier to communicate when I can see his expressions when he’s talking or silent. Talking about life issues face to face is a huge blessing. I don’t feel like I have to click the end button on my phone, throw it half way across the room and stomp away with a childlike pout. (Though I was tempted on multiple times to do so when we would talk on the phone and I would get frustrated) It’s been easier (most of the time) to tell Devin how I’m feeling in that moment (though I’m

Flowers he got me!

learning I still need to speak up a little more) But through it, Devin has been so, so, so, so, patient with me! He’s never given up on trying to get me to share what’s roaming my head. As much as I don’t like to admit it, he’s pretty good at calming me down

Natural Springs we went to swim at

when I’m stressing out, crying, tired or having a bad day. He great at reminding me of who is in control of the situation and encourages me to give that control to our Lord and Savior.
My first month here has been hard. There has been a lot, like a LOT that I haven’t written about because it’s been very personal, hard and the struggles of life overwhelm me often. I was talking to my mom awhile back (I don’t remember when) but I was telling her about some of my struggles of the transition and frustration I was going through and she told me to be content in where I’m at. And that’s where I’ve been meeting God at, thanking him for the place


where I am and how he has blessed me in the here and now. And there’s been a bit of a perspective change through that (which I needed) I can either roll over, face the wall and cry because I have nothing to do with my life, or I can get up, enjoy the sunshine by walking or riding my bike. Or I can read, listen to music or sew. And over the past couple weeks I’ve found that getting up in the morning, excited for the blessings that I have now and thankful for all that I can accomplish has helped me look at the future with a brighter smile.
(PRAYER REQUEST) While I hope to write more about it, I would like to add that I’ve been praying, interviewing, calling people and really hoping that I can get a job soon. But through this time of lack of a income, through the struggle of not having a job related to children who I can spend all hours of the day with,  and having so much extra

A mama horse and her foal. I found them while I was going on a walk. I would have gotten closer, but she snorted at me as I passed so I decided to stay back.

time on my hands, I’ve found a peace through all of it. God has been working on me in his mysterious ways the past few weeks, answering prayers I didn’t realize I had, showing me his hand through my struggle and really giving me this peace that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m not saying it’s easy to just up and trust that I’ll be able to make bills and payments another few months. But waking up one day a time, being content and putting my trust in Christ is what makes me make it through another day. And having Devin to help me is it’s own special blessing.
So all in all, Florida is beautiful in it’s own way, not comparable to New York or anywhere else. It’s lovely living here, I have an awesome family I’m staying with and boyfriend who has helped me in more ways then I think he realizes or knows. Through all our time together, I never thought that living so close to him would happen. But in all our time apart living 800+ miles apart, it’s shown us that every minute we get to spend together is precious and special and shouldn’t be taken for granted. I’m thankful to be down here, learning life in new, fun ways and having a adventure that I hope never to forget!



This idea of rebelling honestly started while I was riding my bike. Every single person I’ve seen down here, who are riding a bike, has no helmet. So I rebelled and got myself a helmet. I chuckled at the thought, me being a rebel. It popped up again while I was driving my boyfriend’s truck. Apparently more then half of the population of Florida drive 25 mph above the speed limit (that may be a slight exaggeration.) But they drive so fast. So I rebelled and drove the speed limit (or maybe 5 above) Rebelling against little things that I saw was just going to be a silly blog post with a “hello, I’m a rebel, the end”.
But through the past week or so, this word has marching through my brain, making me take a deeper look at the world around me. I feel that much of what I do is rebelling against this generation and age. Drugs, porn, homosexuality, drunkenness, living with a boyfriend/girlfriend, sleeping around, disregarding The Word, gossiping and probably so much more.
When did these things become as common as something like not wearing a helmet? Why do people give me and my boyfriend a look of shock when they find out we wouldn’t live together until we’re married? Why do people disregard the road sign suggestion and choose their own speed? When did it become common to go to church on Sunday but live your own life the rest of the week? It’s all become so normal.
And I don’t want to be a part of that normal group. So I rebel. My heart yearns to be different from the world around me. Maybe I still want to be a “normal” in the sense of goals and dreams and eating chocolate after supper. (’cause that’s normal….right?) But I don’t want the life the world has to offer. I want to be a rebel.
In a world that is imperfect, I want to be a incomplete masterpiece through Christ. In the world that reigns in darkness, I want to shine in the light God’s glory. In a world of biking, helmetless people, I want to ride along side them, sharing why I wear a helmet of salvation. I want to share life with people, and show them, they can rebel against the normal of this day and age.
American Christian hip-hop recording artist, Lecrae, wrote a song about being a rebel. He writes about not being conformed to the ways of this world. We are called to be different, to be the ones who rebel against the sin and life the world has turned into. We are to be like Christ in every way possible, holy and righteous. Here’s the end lyrics of his song Rebel:

“Rebel, I’m in rebellion
You’re just a conformist, if you’re drunk and naked and driving around on a loud motorcycle smoking cigarettes and breaking commandments
And getting pregnant out of wedlock.
Everyone’s done that, it’s so tiring.
If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible, because no one is doing that
That’s rebellion.
That’s the only rebellion left”

And so, I repeat what I’ve been saying. I’m a bicycle rider with a helmet. A church goer with a bible. In a world of speeding Floridan’s, I’m just a rebel cow lover who slows down to moo out her window at the bulls and heifers that are feeding in the pastures. (Heehee) I’m rebeling against the culture I’ve been blessed to be born in, showing that there’s more to rebel against then the world says.


Of Bikes and Books

I have been in Florida for nearly a week and a lot has happened. And a lot has not happened. First, I’ve gotten my things unpacked, put some stuff on shelves or away and put some stuff on the ground. I sorted through items in the garage, and stored away my empty boxes. I went to the dollar store and bought some nifty (and cute) storage containers to put things in. AND I bought a bike!!!
I have been dreaming about this day since….hmm, I can’t remember when….But since I knew I wanted to come to Florida and wouldn’t have a vehicle. This is my brand new, azure, opaque, pair annulus, 7 alacrity,  Bayside. (In other words, blue, black, two wheeled, 7 speed, Bayside bike.) I was also blessed with a helmet, lock and basket. It’s super exciting that I now can begin exercising and learning my way around the crazy, Florida roads.

Along with new things, yet old, I have many of my favorite books out of their boxes and displayed on shelves. While I don’t read as much as I use to, I still enjoy reading, and finding time to sit with my feet up, drink some tea (or chocolate) and have a good book is my hands is a great way to relax. It’s been very nice being able to grab a book off the shelf, instead of dig it out of the box in the farthest corner of the closet where I had decided would be the best place for it at my parents house.
I also have gotten out my sewing machine and look forward to seeing what I can create. I have some pillow ideas, blanket ideas, clothing ideas, but it will all take time as I have no table space to cut anything.
But having things to do while Devin is working is nice.

Devin’s family is super welcoming and I love his siblings. The family I’m staying with has two children and they’ve started to say hi to me, and I got lots of drawn pictures from the older one. They have guard dogs, who are super cute and friendly, plus a cat. He likes to attack my feet when I’m walking. I get to wake up and open my curtains and see a horse right across the road. While there aren’t hills here there is a country feel, which makes me feel more at home, though I get a little discontent because I don’t have a job. Speaking of which….

A prayer request for me is that I work at finding a job, and that something comes up which I enjoy doing and is close enough to bike to. I have a possible job interview but no one has called me yet. I would also still love a nanny job, but nothing has come up yet. Also pray that I find a good church to join!  Pray that I have patience during this time, and find things that will motivate me and encourage me. It’s hard going from a large family to having no one around.

This feels like a hard transition, because there are so many more unknowns, I’m far away from family and close friends, and while it’s Florida, I just haven’t found much to do yet. And somehow there is still a lot to look forward to and the future holds so many exciting, new, crazy awesome things!

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Who have I in heaven but you? and there is nothing on hearth that I desire besides you.” Psalm 73:23-25


Short Nights, Long Days

Cherry Blossoms in North Carolina

Traveling 70 mph down the highway, cruising with my window down, listening to my dad whistle to music and feeling the hot sun burn my arm. Dark clouds pouring down rain, traffic slowing down to 30 mph and all I see is bright, red break lights that make me inwardly groan. Hazard lights blinking in and out through the ghostly, white fog slowing everyone down more. Tall rock walls on both sides, like a canyon of stone. Beautiful sunrises behind us, lighting the skies up in pink, orange and yellows. The rolling Appalachian mountains that followed us, swooping up and down like a wave on the ocean. A journey may never be perfect, but there is beauty if one looks hard enough for it.

It is quite dark at 3 in the morning.







My father and I left Saturday morning at 3:04. I buckled up, pulled a blanket over my head and tried to settle into the tightly packed vehicle. I had a backpack at my feet, a dresser behind my seat and not a lot of room to wiggle around. And somehow I slept through most of Pennsylvania. Maryland and West Virginia weren’t long at all. By that time it was close to 8:30.
I suggested that I drive so my dad could take a break. We stopped for gas and I

My silly selfie as my dad drove

began to drive. Virginia is a large state to drive down. It went on and on. I played the Alphabet game (Where one looks for the letters A to Z in order) I got through it once, went backwards (got a little mixed up with GHI because I couldn’t keep straight which ones went first when going backwards) and began from A again before stopping around at the letter J when I decided I had had enough driving.
We stopped, stretched our legs and continued on around 11:30.

Trying to take a picture of the building behind me and accidentally catching the guy running down the stairs….awkward!


Thick fog. Good thing my dad is a great driver!

Dad drove through North Carolina where we had slow traffic and rain. And then fog on top of that. We were soon out of it and arrived in Colombia, South Carolina close to 4:00. We stopped at my brother and sister-in-law’s apartment. They took us around the University where my brother goes to school. SC is beginning to have their spring because there were some beautiful blossoms that we don’t see until April or May. The four of us had dinner, played a game, and finally around 7:30 or so dad and I went to bed.
At 3:30 it all started again. I woke up, found my dad was already up and after a quick bowl of cereal, we gathered our things and headed out the door. Dad drove and once again I tried to find a comfortable sleeping position. I must have somehow fell asleep for awhile because I awoke to my dad pulling into a rest area in Georgia. I was going to go back to sleep but after doing some jumping jacks outside, I didn’t find myself as tired. Dad drove for another hour or so until I asked if he wanted me to drive the rest of the way. So we swapped.
Where we drove in Georgia, it was quite flat. And swampy/marshy land. We went

Another cherry blossom

from there to Florida and I swung around on the beltway to miss Jacksonville’s traffic. We continued south and about 15 minutes from our destination dad and I swapped again so I could give him directions from the map on my phone. That was interesting because directions here seem to go everywhere and nowhere.
At roughly 11:00 AM we arrived at the home where I will be staying in Summerfield, FL. My boyfriend was here to welcome us, as the family was gone at church. Dad, Devin and I unloaded the van, putting boxes in the house and garage. Afterwards, dad got to meet Devin’s parents, we showed him some chicken coops outside and then he left to return to my brother’s place in SC before it got to late.
Seeing dad leave was a bit emotional for me. I finally figured that lack of sleep, hunger, and a LOT of thoughts on my mind were what was causing buckets of tears. (That may be a slight exaggeration) But Devin let me rest for a bit, then blabber on about everything that was roaming in my head, assured me through my apologies of crying that he was expecting me to be somewhat upset, and after getting everything off my chest, I got myself some food. I felt much better after all that.
I brought some things from the garage over, put books on the shelves, organized my room and began dreaming about decoration ideas. We watched a movie and said goodnight. I woke up today (Monday) with excitement that I was actually living in Florida. It’s still hard to believe sometimes, that I’m no longer states away from my boyfriend but minutes!!

Discovering new places
Trail to new places

Some thoughts regarding the future. Devin and I are looking forward to what these next days, weeks and months hold. I’m thankful for this time to finally get to know him better in person. While we’ve spent quite of bit of time together in the past, we’ve never spent more then 2ish weeks together at one time. We both want to find a church that leads us spiritually and I dream of a place where I can help in the children’s area. We are excited to explore Florida, there are caves down here, forest land, reptiles of all kinds (including alligators and snakes) and Devin has told me we can go fishing, something I have not done often but want to do with him. And of course we want to relax, watch stars, movies and take walks. There’s a lot we are excited for.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for my dad and I. From what I heard, he was nearly home and will soon be with my family. I am missing family and friends, but with time that should ease. The journey is sometimes messy and hard, but if one looks hard enough, they can see the beauty that is intertwined in it.


New Site, New Adventures

This weekend I will be heading down south to sunny, Florida. As I have been preparing for this time to come, I’ve been debating whether to change my blog around or not. I originally made it for family and supporters as I went to Belize to be a Missionary Nanny. As I am no longer with a specific ministry, I wasn’t sure whether to disband the whole thing, change it or leave it and continue writing. After much thought, I decided to change it and continue writing.

Much like when I was nannying in Belize, I plan on writing about my adventures through the sunshine and rain. I can’t say whether it will be consistent writing, once a month or less, but I hope to share my thoughts, experiences and adventures that come my way.

I’m excited to see where this goes and what I can come up to write with. I give you my new blog: A Cow Girl On A Beach!


The End and Beginning

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” – Proverbs 16:3

Over a year ago, I remember finding this verse, praying over it, writing it down and taping it to my bedroom wall to be as a reminder of what I was committing to the Lord.
I wanted to be a Missionary Nanny. I wanted to be the hands and feet of Christ, to serve in ways that would be of a help to the Kingdom of God. And three months later, I found out that I was actually going to do that. I was going to be a nanny for a family overseas.
And the Lord was faithful. He brought me through so much. Sickness, homesickness, lack of sleep, hurricanes, stolen items, months and months away from family and friends. He showed me his faithfulness, his grace, he taught me to be patient, to take a deep breath and keep going even when I wanted to cry, he taught me to speak up and to shut up. He reminded me of former times, that I’d been through it once and I could get through it again.
Through the time as being a nanny I learned to love water again, I watched the pure joy of a three year old girl whether she was dancing over a crab or the white snow outside. I learned to be patient when a little one year old boy could only communicate his anger by throwing things. (Thankfully that didn’t happen often!) But with time he slowly learned to sign with his hands and soon after begin to say simple things, such as “hi-ee, haaaal-p! Haaaal-p!” ( Honestly, it was the cutest, but more relieving thing to hear, because before he learned to say that, he would yell at me to get my attention, so my ears are thankful)
I learned so much, grew in knowledge of children and cultures and habits and so many other little things. I could never have imagined half of anything that I got to go through and experience in my time as a nanny for a missionary family.

Before I get to anything else, I want to take a moment and go back to a little over a week ago. I got to watch the dad and his two children learn to skate for the first time. (Here I am with the kids, watching people skate, and me and Faith out on the ice) Apart from jumping into the Caribbean Sea with the kids in Belize, this was probably my favorite thing of everything I’ve done with them. We didn’t spend a lot of time on the ice, and both children had trouble staying up and skating, but the whole thing was just so fun and I’m super thankful that we got to do it.

And through all of it, I knew my time would one day come, where I would have to pack my bags and end my time with this beautiful family. I would be starting a new beginning of memories, experiences and adventures.
It’s hard to move on and figure out where life is going next when I don’t really want to do what’s next. This past week was hard, trying to move back into my family’s house, talk to people about what’s next, find quiet corners to cry in, and take a moment to breath and move on.  I have plans and hopes and dreams, but at the same time, it would hurt so much to talk about when I had just left the best job I could have ever asked for.
But like everything else from life, I have survived. I still miss people, that’s normal. I still have moments (like now) where I’m overwhelmed by the sadness of having to leave. But I know that there comes a point where I have to get up, carry the memories in my heart, and move on.
Thankfully, every day it gets a little easier. I have lots of things that I hope for the future and I look forward to what God can do with me and through me over this next coming up year. I look forward to seeing what new adventures I can go on, how many crazy awesome memories I can make, and see what new ways God can shine through me as we go through life together.

So, the one question that I hear most, the one thing everyone wants to know.

“What’s next Heidi?”

Honestly, I’m done for now with being a Missionary Nanny. I have plans to maybe stay in the states, maybe begin working, maybe save up some money, maybe get married, maybe have my own family….but it’s a lot of maybe’s. Right now I’m just taking it a day at a time. I’m looking towards the future and hoping, planning and dreaming of what may come.

One other new beginning that I’m going to do, is (for now) I’m going to set aside writing in this blog. It’s a bittersweet feeling. I’m so thankful for the time I’ve had to share my experiences and adventures. I’m so thankful for the people, the prayers and encouragement I’ve received during this time. Maybe one day I’ll bring it back, but for now, it was a season in my life of keeping up with family and friends.
Either way, I have a phone number and email (as well as a Facebook account), if anyone needs to catch up on life and hear more on where I’m headed or how I’m doing. Feel free to call, email or message me at anytime! I’d love to hear from you!

Until next time,


When There’s a Curve in the Road…

When there’s a curve, a fork in the road, or a dark tunnel  where one can’t see five feet in front of them, a driver must continue on. They have trust that around the sharp curve, which they can’t see past because of the mile high stone wall, has more road and not rocks in the way. When they come to a fork they have to trust that their GPS, map, or instinct is right in which way they are going. With a dark tunnel they have to trust they will come out into light again.

I’m that driver. There’s a curve coming up to the end of my journey with this beautiful family I have been blessed to serve. While I want to put on the brakes, stop time, and continue this life for longer, I know that it’s coming to an end.

It’s about 12 days until I return home for Christmas. 12 days to love on three precious children, to make memories, laugh, fix boo-boo’s, wipe tears and noses, sing silly songs, dance crazy dances, hand out snacks, change diapers, read books, run around making too much noise, playing house and school, letting little ones drag me around, cuddle and snuggle with baby Ben, hand out snacks again. 12 days left.

I don’t like goodbyes. Living in Belize on a YWAM base where every 2-3 months one has to say goodbye to friends, it was tough. One would think that it would get easier in time but it doesn’t. And so I push back the thoughts of leaving and saying goodbye to this family.

To be completely honest, there is a little bit of excitement. I look forward to where the Lord is leading me next. I know that he’s got amazing things in store for me. But that doesn’t exactly mean I’m excited to leave the life I have here. That curve. That road that splits. The tunnel that I’m coming to and is clearly marked “UNKNOWN”. Those are the things I begin to slow at. I wonder why I can’t know where I’m going. Or what I’m doing next. Or why everything seems so dark.

And through all of it, God says to trust. Trust that even if there are rocks in the road around the curve he’ll help me around them, trust that he’ll show me and make it clear as to which road at the fork is good, trust that the tunnel may be dark, but he’s right beside me holding my hand and leading me through it.

None of it is easy. But there have been rocks I’ve already had to dodge. There’s been forks I’ve had to choose at and dark tunnels I’ve been through. But God has never once left me, and I know these next couple months of unknowns will be the same, as long as I continue to trust Him.

I’m going to live these next two weeks to the fullest and enjoy life. And after that, I’ll see where the curve around the corner takes me. It’s not easy, but sometimes there can be even more beauty on the other side.


Autumn Days

Let it be known now. I love autumn with all the glorious colors, freshly fallen leaves crunching beneath my shoes and getting to bundle up in cute sweaters and colorful clothes. BUT! I do not like the cold that comes with it. My hands and feet get cold, and if the weather drops too much, I must wear more layers which just makes things a little more annoying. But I guess if I can learn to embrace sweating in Belize, I can learn to embrace the freezing in Virginia.

Things have been busy around here. A couple weeks ago my best friend came down to visit and we celebrated our birthday’s together. It was so nice having someone I knew from home down here with me. I have missed family and friends a lot! When looking at my age, I’m now 23, yet still feel like a little 16 year old at heart. It was a lovely day playing with the kids, taking pictures, eating cake and ice cream, talking to friends and family on the phone and opening gifts. It’s safe to say that year 22 was a good one, and I’m looking forward to this next year that God has blessed me with.

The kids are doing wonderful! Faith is learning the days of the week, Josiah is learning new words and Benaiah keeps his eyes open more often. Faith was digging in the grass awhile back and discovered a worm. She got super excited and began to show me, her brother, and parents. She then went on to dissect him. I guess that’s one way to introduce kids into science, right?

Oh! And speaking of leaves earlier, we made a pile of leaves for the kids! In Belize there were huge almond trees that had big, oval leaves. I remember one time close to April or May where they turned a dark red and brown and fell down. There weren’t enough that we could make a pile to jump in, but there was enough to have a leaf fight. Behind the house here in Virginia, there are several oak and maple trees. Faith and Josiah had so, so, so much fun helping rake the leaves, jumping into the pile and throwing the leaves at each other. The smiles and giggles were worth every leaf I later had to vacuum up from my room that I had brought in with me from rolling and jumping into the pile.

Lastly, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I want to take a moment to thank God for all that he has provide for me. First my super, awesome church family who has provided financially and prayed over me daily. I’m very thankful for friends and family who have supported me during this past year. I’m thankful for this amazing family, the way they love me and have allowed me to love on their children. I’m grateful for the friends, culture and adventures that I have been immersed in while nannying in Belize and the States. And lastly, I’m thankful for the journey that God has brought me on, the way that his love has been shown more clearly to me, the way beauty can come from ashes, the way His strength comes in my weakness and the way my obedience brings forth his Glory.

And thankfully, I’m still nannying a little longer then a month, before returning home for Christmas. (in other words) This shouldn’t be my last blog post!

I love you all!


The Crazy and the Calm

With the coming of a new baby, some reason I expected quiet days, with a calm and peacefulness filling each morning. The kids would share their toys and play nicely. A sort of halo of perfection would come upon Faith and Josiah and they would learn to keep their voices down, bodies to themselves and all would be well.

And then reality hit and all expectations were thrown out the window.

Leaves are slowly beginning to change color

Life is busy, but not bad. It’s quite enjoyable here in Northern VA. The mornings are chillier and by mid-day we have a high 70’s. The basic routine of the past week is going to a class for one or both of the kids, driving home, playing for awhile (whether before or after the class, sometimes both) having lunch, the kids take a nap and by 4 or earlier they usually up, ready to play some more. Before dinner, Israel and I would take them to the park and let them get

Playing at the park.

more energy out, we go home and have dinner, the kids get laid down and we would get up the next day and do it all over again.

And then add Baby Benaiah into the mix. Thankfully, he sleeps through most cries or loving pokes from his older siblings. Faith and Josiah love, love, love their brother. They love to give him kisses, or hug and touch him. They are slowly learning how to treat their brother and from what I’ve seen, they are doing a great job. Being able to help teach them to be kind and gentle to a newborn is hard, but it’s such a great experience to be a part of and I’m super thankful to be able to share in this time of the kids lives.

Making birdseed pinecones. They loved making them and the squirrels loved stealing them off the tree.

For me personally it’s been going good. Having somewhat of a schedule is good for me. Being able to take the kids downstairs and play with them, drive them to classes, or being a part of their class, is different, but good to experience. Josiah is in a gymnastics and swim classes where an adult has to attend with him. I got to be the adult this past week and let me tell you, if you aren’t dressed properly for either one of those, things will not go as planned. Don’t worry, I had great clothes on, but there were moments where I wondered what I had just gotten myself into. There have been days where the parents go out to run some errands while the kids are sleeping. One day I ended up having all three kids awake with me, no parents home yet, and I still survived. I felt like the best nanny in the world during that because they weren’t fighting, the baby was still sleeping in my arms and neither older siblings was trying to love on their baby brother. Not every day is like that, but slowly it’s becoming to get easier and easier.

Something that I’ve written about in the past, that really, really excited me, was going to a library and getting books out. This past week, Josiah and I walked to the closest one, which happens to be about a 15-20 minute walk. Just yesterday, much to my excitement, I was able to get a library card and came out with four books, three for the kids and one for myself. My dream of reading to them, showing them picture books on animals, trucks, trees, flowers, ballet, airplanes and so many other options have finally come true. While I may only be here for three months, this is the one thing that has made me most excited since before I arrived in Virginia and hopefully the kids will pick up on my love for books.

Holding two and waiting for the last one to wake up. Loving live!

A few prayer requests:
1) Pray for my health as I think I’m getting a cold. I don’t want the kids, especially Ben to catch it. I’m currently drowning myself in tea.
2) Pray for me as I haven’t been getting enough sleep. Part of that has to do with me not going to bed early, which I’m slowly fixing. The other part is just waking up and tossing and turning for hours on end. With a busy schedule and needing to be on my toes constantly, it’s better to have a good night’s sleep.
3) Pray for me as I try and wake up early. The reasoning behind that one, is I find that I really enjoy reading my bible and praying early in the morning. Being a Christian, and having that time to spend with the Lord is very important to me and not being able to sleep well, being careless and going to bed late or whatever the reason, it’s been hard to keep up with my quiet time in the morning.

Every day has its crazy and chaos, but at the end of the day, there’s a lot of peace, calm and love sprinkled in between.


Daily Choices and News

The past couple weeks have been really good for me. I’ve slowly been getting into the routine of playing with the kids in the morning, driving with their mom to swim/dance/gymnastics classes, having a break in the afternoon while they nap and ending the day by playing with them some more before having some more down time.
This past week, Israel (who has been doing some construction work for a couple weeks) ended up staying home. All week long! It was nice because I had a little more extra time on my hands to do my own thing and just be “on call” if they needed me to play with the kids or join them to a trip to the park or store. It’s been nice having the extra free time, but a little spoiling.
Lately, I’ve been finding that in coming back to the states, there is cable. On television. 24/7 tv that is really addicting. Along with ice cream. And chips. And cake. And lots of other food that is not quite what I’ve been use to eating constantly for the past 9 months. To suddenly be sitting in front of a television with snacks only ten (or less) feet from where I was sitting was quite a nice treat.
And I had to suddenly decide to choose between what I wanted or what I needed and was best for me.

I use to never like going to restaurants because I had to choose what I wanted to eat. I hate when I have a lot of options because I get overwhelmed. What am I going to choose to eat? Should I go with something I’m familiar with or something new? I don’t like when I have 10 doors open, behind each one something different, exciting and new. I don’t want to choose which to go through, because I don’t want to make the wrong choice and I’d rather have someone tell me where to go and just point me in the right direction.
The same idea goes with my daily choices. Do I eat the cake with ice cream because it’s been months since I’ve had them together. Plus the cake is warm. Nothing is better then warm cake. On and on, this past week especially, has been a battle between which is a better option, which is a better choice.
This is where I admit that I am human and do not always make the right choice. But I am getting better. It just took awhile.
Because I have no one to really point me towards the right door I had to choose from, I made some not so wise choices. This past week, I had two days where I decided to sit back and relax while the kids were napping to watch this TV show called Gold Rush. After 2 hours, the kids woke up from their nap. Not feeling like playing with them, I choose to let them sit in front of their own screens (a phone and Ipad) and let them watch their own shows for another hour while I continued to enjoy Gold Rush. And guess what?!?! The next day, the same thing happened.
I’m not proud of either day.
It’s safe to say that it hasn’t happened again….yet….thankfully!
It took two days, but I finally realized, I had to start getting my life together. I could make a choice of laziness, or I could begin to focus on the whole reason I came to be with this family. God is constantly reminding me that I’m not here because of me. It took so many prayers, tears, love, family, friends, and more prayers to get me here. But most of all, it took Him, my heavenly Father gently nudging me towards the door he wanted me to take. And I had to choose to obey him.
And now here in this moment, I need to choose to obey him again. And sometimes that means turning off social media, the TV, close my book, turn off the movie or music and choose to play with two kids who needed my attention more then Gold Rush.

Making good choices are not easy and I’m no where near being good at it. But I’m trying to get better. Sometimes the choices are easier, such as whether to have blueberries, grapes, raspberries, or strawberries for a snack instead of ice cream. (So I have all of the above!) It’s making choices like drinking disgusting apple cider vinegar with my water twice a day because everyone is saying that it’s got good stuff in it. I have to make a choice to take a deep breath and go for a walk on a beautiful day, or work out for thirty minutes or more. And honestly, a week later I’m beginning to enjoy the choices I have made. The apple cider vinegar is still gross, but more bearable to drink twice a day. The exercise is hard without a partner, but I find new ways to enjoy it by myself. And about that T.V. After my two days of rebelling in a lazy boy, I started to take my responsibilities a little more seriously and play with the kids, instead of letting them entertain themselves on their own screens. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the laughter, giggles and fun we have together.

And it’s a good thing I’ve been paying more attention to the kids, because they got a new baby brother!!!!!!! The day finally came last weekend, which is one reason why I was so late to getting this post out.
I’m very excited to announce that Benaiah Timothy Esquivel joined this world on Saturday, October 14, at 10:02. He weighed 8lb 1oz, and was 20 1/4 in long. Mom and baby are doing great! Since Saturday morning (6:30ish to be exact) I have been helping with the kids, holding and snuggling cute baby Ben, and helping out more with the kids! It’s been a long weekend and it will be interesting to see how things transition as this new baby is here.
And I can guarantee that there will be more choices that I’ll have to make, whether good or better. It’s going to be a handful as I try and balance helping mom and dad with baby Ben while both Faith and Josiah are asking for attention. I’m sure with time it will be easier, but right now, things are sometimes a little hard to figure out how to make sure to love on both these older kids and help with the baby.
About the older siblings, Faith is super excited to have another baby in the house. Anytime someone takes him, Faith is sure to tell the person to be careful with the baby. “Be careful, k? Careful!” She’s a proud big sister. Josiah, now a big brother, seemed a little unsure but curious at first. He had been hearing about baby brother being in mommy’s belly, but to suddenly see him, I think it opened his eyes a lot! He is doing well, though he’s still learning to be gentle around the baby. He also loves to give kisses in abundance! He’s super sweet.
I am not one to usually snuggle with babies. I’m content to hold them for awhile, then pass them on. With this little guy, I take every opportunity I can get to hold him. He’s so tiny. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been constantly around a newborn and I’m really excited for this new step. One struggle is to find the right way to hold Benaiah, and let Josiah or Faith sit on my lap without bumping or laying on top of the baby. As I said before, lots of changes and choices, but it’s a new experience and exciting time….most of the time!

Please keep us all in prayer as we transition with the new baby here. Pray that I get good sleep so that if the parents don’t, I am fully energized to take on both Faith and Josiah for the day. Pray that I continue to make good choices and keep up with being healthy, whether mentally, physically or spiritually. And lastly, pray for wisdom and guidance as I help in raising these two with their new baby brother. This is kind of new for me and I don’t want to be making a bunch of mistakes.


Thanks everyone!