The past couple weeks have been really good for me. I’ve slowly been getting into the routine of playing with the kids in the morning, driving with their mom to swim/dance/gymnastics classes, having a break in the afternoon while they nap and ending the day by playing with them some more before having some more down time.
This past week, Israel (who has been doing some construction work for a couple weeks) ended up staying home. All week long! It was nice because I had a little more extra time on my hands to do my own thing and just be “on call” if they needed me to play with the kids or join them to a trip to the park or store. It’s been nice having the extra free time, but a little spoiling.
Lately, I’ve been finding that in coming back to the states, there is cable. On television. 24/7 tv that is really addicting. Along with ice cream. And chips. And cake. And lots of other food that is not quite what I’ve been use to eating constantly for the past 9 months. To suddenly be sitting in front of a television with snacks only ten (or less) feet from where I was sitting was quite a nice treat.
And I had to suddenly decide to choose between what I wanted or what I needed and was best for me.
I use to never like going to restaurants because I had to choose what I wanted to eat. I hate when I have a lot of options because I get overwhelmed. What am I going to choose to eat? Should I go with something I’m familiar with or something new? I don’t like when I have 10 doors open, behind each one something different, exciting and new. I don’t want to choose which to go through, because I don’t want to make the wrong choice and I’d rather have someone tell me where to go and just point me in the right direction.
The same idea goes with my daily choices. Do I eat the cake with ice cream because it’s been months since I’ve had them together. Plus the cake is warm. Nothing is better then warm cake. On and on, this past week especially, has been a battle between which is a better option, which is a better choice.
This is where I admit that I am human and do not always make the right choice. But I am getting better. It just took awhile.
Because I have no one to really point me towards the right door I had to choose from, I made some not so wise choices. This past week, I had two days where I decided to sit back and relax while the kids were napping to watch this TV show called Gold Rush. After 2 hours, the kids woke up from their nap. Not feeling like playing with them, I choose to let them sit in front of their own screens (a phone and Ipad) and let them watch their own shows for another hour while I continued to enjoy Gold Rush. And guess what?!?! The next day, the same thing happened.
I’m not proud of either day.
It’s safe to say that it hasn’t happened again….yet….thankfully!
It took two days, but I finally realized, I had to start getting my life together. I could make a choice of laziness, or I could begin to focus on the whole reason I came to be with this family. God is constantly reminding me that I’m not here because of me. It took so many prayers, tears, love, family, friends, and more prayers to get me here. But most of all, it took Him, my heavenly Father gently nudging me towards the door he wanted me to take. And I had to choose to obey him.
And now here in this moment, I need to choose to obey him again. And sometimes that means turning off social media, the TV, close my book, turn off the movie or music and choose to play with two kids who needed my attention more then Gold Rush.
Making good choices are not easy and I’m no where near being good at it. But I’m trying to get better. Sometimes the choices are easier, such as whether to have blueberries, grapes, raspberries, or strawberries for a snack instead of ice cream. (So I have all of the above!) It’s making choices like drinking disgusting apple cider vinegar with my water twice a day because everyone is saying that it’s got good stuff in it. I have to make a choice to take a deep breath and go for a walk on a beautiful day, or work out for thirty minutes or more. And honestly, a week later I’m beginning to enjoy the choices I have made. The apple cider vinegar is still gross, but more bearable to drink twice a day. The exercise is hard without a partner, but I find new ways to enjoy it by myself. And about that T.V. After my two days of rebelling in a lazy boy, I started to take my responsibilities a little more seriously and play with the kids, instead of letting them entertain themselves on their own screens. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the laughter, giggles and fun we have together.
And it’s a good thing I’ve been paying more attention to the kids, because they got a new baby brother!!!!!!! The day finally came last weekend, which is one reason why I was so late to getting this post out.
I’m very excited to announce that Benaiah Timothy Esquivel joined this world on Saturday, October 14, at 10:02. He weighed 8lb 1oz, and was 20 1/4 in long. Mom and baby are doing great! Since Saturday morning (6:30ish to be exact) I have been helping with the kids, holding and snuggling cute baby Ben, and helping out more with the kids! It’s been a long weekend and it will be interesting to see how things transition as this new baby is here.
And I can guarantee that there will be more choices that I’ll have to make, whether good or better. It’s going to be a handful as I try and balance helping mom and dad with baby Ben while both Faith and Josiah are asking for attention. I’m sure with time it will be easier, but right now, things are sometimes a little hard to figure out how to make sure to love on both these older kids and help with the baby.
About the older siblings, Faith is super excited to have another baby in the house. Anytime someone takes him, Faith is sure to tell the person to be careful with the baby. “Be careful, k? Careful!” She’s a proud big sister. Josiah, now a big brother, seemed a little unsure but curious at first. He had been hearing about baby brother being in mommy’s belly, but to suddenly see him, I think it opened his eyes a lot! He is doing well, though he’s still learning to be gentle around the baby. He also loves to give kisses in abundance! He’s super sweet.
I am not one to usually snuggle with babies. I’m content to hold them for awhile, then pass them on. With this little guy, I take every opportunity I can get to hold him. He’s so tiny. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been constantly around a newborn and I’m really excited for this new step. One struggle is to find the right way to hold Benaiah, and let Josiah or Faith sit on my lap without bumping or laying on top of the baby. As I said before, lots of changes and choices, but it’s a new experience and exciting time….most of the time!
Please keep us all in prayer as we transition with the new baby here. Pray that I get good sleep so that if the parents don’t, I am fully energized to take on both Faith and Josiah for the day. Pray that I continue to make good choices and keep up with being healthy, whether mentally, physically or spiritually. And lastly, pray for wisdom and guidance as I help in raising these two with their new baby brother. This is kind of new for me and I don’t want to be making a bunch of mistakes.