“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you…the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.” Hebrews 13:5, 6
Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning we have about 30 – 45 minutes of worship. Every so often, there’s special worship days. A few days ago, the moon was out and it reflected brightly on the water. A dozen or so of us gathered on the dock and had a night of worship. We played music on a speaker and praised God in the dark. And again tonight, YWAM had a special night of worship.
I crave every second I can get in worshiping God. At home in New York, I only have one day of ‘worship’ which is Sunday. To have 3 days a week, plus going to church here in Belize, and then another one or two times at night, I fall even more in love with the God I serve.
The past few weeks since being here in Belize, I have sought God on several things. I came with questions and needed answers and in the past 24 hours, I have been told so many things my brain is still trying to unscramble everything. Nothing was spoken in fire and thunderstorms. But that still, quiet spirit of my Father has been resounding in my soul. His voice calls and as his daughter, I listen.
During worship this morning, I really sensed that God wanted me to trust him with something of the future. For me, placing certain things in his hands is a challenge. I don’t like giving them up. And in this season of my life, He’s asking for it, not just half-hearted, but complete surrender.
As I sat, listening to the music, half singing, he brought to mind all the times I’ve placed other things into his hands. I had to trust him that he would show me whether to apply to Mission Nanny. Then trust him when he told me what three places to choose. And trust him again when he told me to prepare for Belize. And trust him for funds, tickets, and prayer support. I had to trust that he wasn’t bringing me into a war zone, or into an unwelcoming environment.
But God is faithful.
Every area that I placed in his hands, that I have sought him in and talked to him about, he has seen me through ever step of the way. Oh, I will admit it wasn’t easy. My walk with God never is. I was nervous months before I knew where I was going and cried my heart out because of it. I’d never flown on a plane (out of the country) by myself. And I had trouble with customs. (Goodness, that was very nerve wracking) Plus I thought I lost my suitcase. I felt silly asking people what buildings to enter and where to go and how to do this or that. And then I got here and got sick.
But God is Faithful.
I am here in Belize, and I am alive. There are no guns or raging wars, nor any hostile people here. I had nothing to worry about, nothing to be anxious about. He’s provided my every need, and gone above and beyond anything I ever expected. He turned my fears to joy.
With all this being explained, let me get back to this morning. Once he showed me how he had been faithful, I realized that I can surrender my future to him. He can take my hopes, my dreams, my plans and hand them to him. And he will turn them into something I never imagined. Something I never thought I’d ever dream possible. His plans are so much bigger then mine and I’m willing to give up my small dreams, for his huge adventures.
I went through my day with all this in the back of my mind. This evening, we had our special night of worship. I was pretty excited and praised God for what he’d shown me. I felt like I was on a mountain and all I wanted to do was spend the rest of the night worshiping God.
It was getting close to being done, when we sang a song about being in valleys. I don’t remember the exact song, but it hit me hard. I had to sit down and calm myself. Something my pastor at home has told us many times is that after a spiritual high, we will usually go through a spiritual low.
Because of the situation and what I’m placing in the hands of God, every worst possible situation raced through my mind. The future which suddenly seemed to be so full of light and hope and possibilities was now turned upside down. It was dark, hopeless and nothing seemed to be as possible as I thought it would be.
I was honestly super scared. I was terrified and wanted to snatch back everything, and take it back in my own hands. I hated the thought of having it in his hands, where I couldn’t control it or see what he was doing with it.
But God is faithful.
I have nothing to fear. Because Christ has already promised me that he will provide for my needs of the future. The one who has named the stars knows the number of hairs on my head. The one who spoke the world into being is my Father, he has a personal relationship with me and loves me and wants to be close to me. He wants this. And I’m learning to willingly give my future to him.
A verse from Proverbs 31 came to my mind while I sat there on the floor. “…she can laugh at the days to come.” And while I can’t exactly laugh at the dark, scary days that seem to be looming around the corner, I can smile, because I know I’ll be safe. God will walk beside me. He’ll hold my hand if I’m scared. If I can’t make it, he’ll carry me. He’s not going to let a valley keep me from his love, and I don’t need to worry that it will either. If I let it, I can come out stronger through him.
There was so much more that came to mind while singing. But this was the most important part of my day. And I am excited to see how God brings me through this.
But God is faithful.